August is one of my favorite months – not only because it’s my birthday and anniversary month – but also because it’s back-to-school season. I still get nostalgic walking through the school supply aisles, eyeing fresh pencils, colorful folders and the occasional Trapper Keeper (remember those?). There’s something energizing about the promise of a fresh start and a sharpened focus.
To capitalize on this fresh start, we’re launching a four-part series inspired by our new leadership training, Leading Self: Emotional Intelligence. As I shared in a recent blog post, we’re breaking down the four core elements of EQ – self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and social influence – and showing how you can incorporate each into your nonprofit’s culture in ways that are simple, affordable and meaningful.
Strong emotional intelligence doesn’t just help you personally – it leads to better decision-making, improved well-being and reduced stress. But here’s the kicker: it also creates ripple effects across your organization. EQ-rich teams report higher performance, better collaboration and lower turnover. That’s a triple win worth investing in.
In each part of this series, we will cover definitions, myths versus realities and easy ways to integrate EQ into your staff retreats, board development and employee coaching conversations.
Part 1: Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It starts with you—but it doesn’t end there.
When you know your own values, triggers, strengths and blind spots, you not only lead yourself better, you model authenticity and reflection for others. It also opens the door to appreciating others’ “superpowers” on your team – and creating a culture where everyone is seen and valued.
Research shows that diverse teams perform better – and diversity isn’t just about demographics; it’s also about how people think, work and communicate. When individuals have a strong sense of self and the ability to understand each other, team cohesion skyrockets.
Definition: What Is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, values, motivations and behavior – and how they affect others. It answers the question:
“Who am I when I show up as a leader?”
It includes:
- Knowing your values and passions
- Understanding your personality and working style
- Recognizing your emotional patterns
- Being aware of your strengths and limitations
It’s also situational. Your self-awareness shifts depending on your stress level, environment and relationships. The key is to notice, not judge – and use that awareness to respond more intentionally.
Myths vs. Realities
Myth: Self-awareness is just navel-gazing.
Reality: Actually, it’s one of the most predictive traits of effective leadership.
Myth: If I know my strengths, that’s enough.
Reality: True self-awareness includes understanding your blind spots, triggers and emotional patterns.
Myth: You either have it or you don’t.
Reality: Self-awareness is a skill that can be developed over time with practice and feedback.
Myth: I know myself better than anyone.
Reality: Maybe – but others often see patterns in you that you can’t see. That’s why external feedback is key.
Tools for Building Self-Awareness (and Team Awareness!)
These are some of my favorite go-to activities that work well in staff or board retreats, leadership trainings or even team meetings:
1. Superpower & Kryptonite
Ask each person to share their biggest strength and their “kryptonite” (a weakness or growth area). Want to go deeper? Have teammates share what they see as each person’s superpower – it’s often eye-opening and affirming.
2. Holiday or Family Traditions
Simple and powerful: ask team members to share their favorite holiday or family tradition. It fosters connection, reveals values and is a great way to celebrate different cultures and experiences. (One group I was leading even brought in favorite Thanksgiving recipes – they still talk about it!)
3. Self-Assessments
Consider incorporating low-cost or free tools:
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- CORE Personality Assessment – Great for understanding core motivators
- StrengthsFinder – Helps individuals name and claim their top talents
- VIA Character Strengths – Free and useful for values-based work
Use these not just individually, but as a jumping-off point for team conversations about collaboration and communication styles.
Techniques for Leaders
Here are two simple techniques I use in coaching and staff development that can immediately build self-awareness:
1. Red, Yellow, Green Check-Ins
Borrowed from the aviation world (co-pilots use it pre-flight to check in with each other), this technique helps individuals quickly communicate their current state:
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- Green – Feeling good, focused, ready to go
- Yellow – Distracted, overwhelmed or uncertain
- Red – Struggling and not fully present
This easy tool helps leaders pause, listen and lead with empathy. I like to use it in my employee or coaching check-ins. For example, if someone is in the red, then it isn’t likely they are able to fully focus on work. We are then able to talk about why they are in the red and identify ways to move forward.
2. Start, Stop, Continue
Many people fear feedback, but it is vital to our growth as individuals and leaders. One of my favorite tools takes the sting out of feedback. START, STOP and CONTINUE is a simple framework where you ask others:
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- What should I START doing (e.g., start sending notes of appreciation to staff)?
- What should I STOP doing (e.g., being late to meetings)?
- What should I CONTINUE doing (e.g., creating agendas for meetings)?
It invites feedback in a constructive, balanced way – and builds a culture where reflection and growth are the norm, not the exception.
Join the Conversation
We’d love to hear how you’re cultivating self-awareness in your team, board or volunteers. What tools or techniques have worked well for you? Drop us a comment or send us a note – we’re always learning, too.
Next up in the series: Part 2: Self-Regulation – how to manage your emotions, stay grounded under pressure and help your team do the same.
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